TITLE: The Smarter Dartmouth has a new home!
DATE: 11/03/2003 11:26:00 PM
Please visit http://smarterdartmouth.dartlog.net.
TITLE: Bonfire Sacrilege
DATE: 11/03/2003 01:20:00 PM
Prescription for Success
This Halloween proved quite an evening for me. Instead of filling myself with a more adult form of candy—spirits—I decided to read three of my favorite Halloween authors: Theodore Dalrymple, James Herriot, and Albert Schweitzer. Actually, my evening was far less productive. It was spent wandering Webster Avenue with a fellow student who, in a moment of questionable clarity, placed a large jack-o-lantern on his head. He wore it for quite some time, until his neck began to ache.
So maybe I didn’t read any medical and veterinary literature Friday evening, but I have often pondered the lack of medical writing among undergraduates at Dartmouth. Today, however, I received a belated Halloween treat when I read New mag. to cover medicine. As Steven Orbuch reports,
Currently, Lifelines is running into problems with submissions. According to Lifelines undergraduate rep Allison Giordano (Note that her name is spelled two different ways in the article), “‘It is pretty hard to get pre-meds and medical students to sit down and do other projects.’”
My prognosis: this student publication will be huge. But, I’m no doctor.
Alum: Police, S & S rob students of innocence!
Remember the kid on the playground in elementary school whom no one liked. He was the able-bodied child who would be left out of the kickball game while the club-footed kid with tunnel vision played, albeit badly. Whenever he was pushed to the ground, he would get up and whine, “I’m going to tell my dad and he’s going to get his lawyer to sue you!”
Well, he’s grown up now, and he wrote an op-ed for today’s D. In Safety or Insecurity Michael Foote ‘01 bemoans the harsh treatment of freshmen at the bonfire by Hanover Police and Dartmouth security forces. He tells of a peppy freshman co-ed who was pushed to the ground by a member of the Hanover Police Department. She was “shaken and confused.” After seeing this brutality, an enraged Foote accosted the offending officer.
Lifelines, a Dartmouth literary magazine featuring both fiction and nonfiction works reflecting on medicine, is set to release its first issue this coming winter.
Foote worries that this treatment by security forces is robbing students of their “innocence.” I feel that an occasional throttling is probably good for the freshmen. I also feel that the incidents in the article may be a bit exaggerated. The last thing the police or S & S need is to injure a student. Anyone who saw the half-hearted effort of the police trying to nab the field rushers can attest to a departmental nonchalance.
TITLE: Special Halloween Edition
DATE: 10/31/2003 02:48:00 PM
Incredulous, I immediately say to the officer, “Why did you do that?” To which he replies, “She stepped on my boot.” I stare blankly at him for a moment and then look down at his very shiny boot. I am completely stunned and saddened. I build up the courage and say, “Well, if you do that again, I’ll press charges.” He then replies, “Fine with me, all I have is a mortgage!”
Well, I’m not going to press charges ... but I am going to write a column.
Valley News lite
In the past students have criticized the D for rewording College press releases and making them articles. Today the D looks beyond the Office of Public Affairs, and Megan Spillane ‘06 takes on the arduous task of summarizing an article in the Valley News. Excepting the first three paragraphs, the majority of Library council faces challenges comes from a Sunday article in the News. Read the Valley News instead or, at least, have it read to you.
Sense = Nonsense
Is it just me, or is this lead confusing?
“For the average German, anti-Semitic propaganda offered a way of making sense, or as historian Jeffrey Herf said yesterday in Filene Auditorium, ‘making nonsense’ of World War II.”
The Union-Leader reports today that Senator Judd Gregg is leading a congressional investigation into academic freedom on college campuses. Closer to home, James Baehr ‘05 puts it to campus liberals in the D. In “Political Wars at Dartmouth” Baehr opens with a chilling anecdote concerning his promotion of the Bush campaign, of which he is campus chair. After sending out a campus-wide, pro-Bush email, Baehr received hateful replies, which he seems to have taken personally.
Such was the impetus for this op-ed, which contains both grammatical errors and earnest pleas. The latter is the most annoying. For example, “Behind all of these political battles are real people and fellow students—and hopefully that human bond is more is more powerful than the sordid and bitter world of politics.” Baehr wants us, nay pleads with us, to remember that there is a human life behind the high-falutin’ rhetoric of campus and national politics. He admonishes us that we might not become bitter.
Bravo, I say, bravo. We need to lose the bitterness. God forbid that some misanthropic twenty-something sit at his computer every afternoon and humiliate well-meaning and semi-literate students. That’s not the Dartmouth that I want to attend.
Deal with Yourself
During my sophomore year, I developed quite a rapport with my janitor. I would often return from classes and find him in my room where he waxed eloquent about the latest Government Mule release. I suppose I should have done more—maybe given him a certificate of appreciation or a pin—for Palaeopitus dedicated this past week to honoring Dartmouth’s staff.
An op-ed today, by two members of Palaeopitus, discusses how some students refuse to honor Safety and Security. This is wrong, says the article. S & S patrols campus to keep us safe and secure. Moreover, these members of Palaeopitus think that Dartmouth students are helpless:
It’s about time we honored Safety and Security. I’m just glad we did it before I injured myself.
TITLE: Still Feeling the Effects of Homecoming
DATE: 10/30/2003 12:12:00 PM
[Safety and Security] look out for those of us need it, either because other people are not looking out, or because we can’t look out for ourselves.
October 21, 2003: “Editor’s Note: This is the first in a series of articles that will profile College alums working in film and television.”
October 23, 2003: "Editor's Note: This is the second in a series of articles profiling College alums working in film and television."
October 27, 2003: “Editor’s Note: This the first in a series of articles profiling alums on the big and small screens.”
October 30, 2003: “Editor’s Note: This is the fourth in a series of articles profiling alums on the big and small screens.”
Kabir Sehgal ‘05 is the D’s most versatile columnist. Last week, he wrote a column on affirmative action in Iraq. Today he gives us Blitz Etiquette, an article that tells students to use blitz terminals for blitzmail only.
He sounds like he’s teaching a test-prep course. Unnecessary op-ed. It is annoying when the student in front of you begins reviewing his “Best of” emails or when he decides to check out the Internet. But, unlike Sehgal, I firmly stand by that student’s right to do whatever he wants at a public computer. This is America.
Phys. Ed. Requirement
A “News” story in today’s the D: Dorm golf a fair way to kill time. I thought the headline was bad, but the article is worse. I do not know why this was run—maybe some sort of post-Homecoming delirium tremens played a role. I don’t care if kids play dorm golf. I do care if one writes about it.
Blitz Etiquette allows you to sign onto blitz, check any new blitzes. And blitz that has a little black or blue circle next to it—go ahead and check. But don’t respond to everyone. Writing takes up so much time, so pick the blitzes that matter the most.
Diversion would have been a better word, but alas. . . .
Though I have never played dorm golf and never will, I do take issue with the stroke of the golfer whose calves are pictured. He seems to have a wristy pitch shot. This will lead to great inconsistency, especially in distance. If he concentrates on moving his forearms through the ball, he will find that his game improves dramatically.
Alert reader Brian Ross ‘04 writes in,
As the Hanover weather turns colder. . . many freshman living in the River Cluster have taken up a new form of recreational distraction from their schoolwork: dorm golf.
TITLE: No Snow Articles Today
DATE: 10/29/2003 11:46:00 AM
In the Tuesday D’s wonderful article on Partial-Birth Abortion legislation, there’s the line: “However, medical opinions on the subject are not unanimous.” It then goes on to quote two physicians who disagree with the ban (in addition to the all important bio-ethicist who started the article out), and then the article gives us a priest in favor of the ban. So I guess it appears opinion is unanimous, and it’s the untrained clergy who doesn't know what’s up.
Why Dartmouth is a great school
Today Laura Quayle ‘06 reports on the success of James Kaiser ‘99, the founder of Destination Press and author of two travel guides. As his company has expanded, he has hired former Dartmouth students—Peter Bohler ‘03, Peter Brewitt ‘03, and John Silkey ‘00—as writers. This move was good for the former students and the company.
Former students: “Bohler and Brewitt both said the all-Dartmouth composition of the company helped them relate to each other in a more laid-back atmosphere.”
The Company: “Brewitt, a history major, said that his Dartmouth background prepared him with skills in working under pressure as well as “the ability to write clearly, and yet have it lively and readable,” that helped him write trail descriptions for Destination Press.”
. . . someone has written about a public education controversy in Detroit. It’s about time.
Lewis Black: Not Fucking Funny
As Matthew Kelly ‘06 writes, Lewis Black’s angry brand of comedy left much to be desired during his performance at Spaulding Auditorium. Black, to his credit, did swear frequently as his act was “accentuated by too-numerous-to-count expletives." While Kelly does concede that the show had "some hilarious moments"—he repeats this twice actually—he is fairly critical of Black.
Holy shit! Kelly does make a fucking good point in his review.
I wouldn’t call this unfortunate. It’s fucking obvious.
Hold your praise for Kelly’s insight because he deserves scorn for his attempt at humor later in his article.
Unfortunately, while a five minute segment of complaining on television is bearable, 100 minutes of Black’s schtick can get repetitive and even annoying.
Thankfully it only took me a minute or two to read the article—an hour would have been too fucking much.
If I wanted to watch someone complain for an extended period of time, I would prefer that he be old and curmudgeonly, like Andy Rooney. He will never come to Dartmouth, however. From what I know of the Programming Board, it would probably settle for Charles Grodin. And that’s fucking unacceptable.
TITLE: Fact or Fiction
DATE: 10/28/2003 11:43:00 AM
Add in variations on a certain four-letter word beginning with “f” and rhyming with the name of our business school, and there’s Black’s act.
Again: No One Rages Anymore
Arrests and conduct violations during Homecoming were down this year, as Dax Tejera ‘07 reports. Of the 43 offenses, over half were alcohol related while three were felonies. Twenty-six people were arrested over the weekend.
The bonfire was particularly tame, and this behavior led College Proctor Harry Kinne to say, “‘This year’s bonfire was very much indicative of what it should be.’” The lack of incidents at the bonfire is a surprise considering New Hampshire’s internal possession law. Under the new statute, those under the age of twenty-one can be arrested for having consumed alcohol even if they do not show signs of intoxication. Hanover Police has recently enforced this law on campus quite stringently, yet it seems to have taken a more lenient stance on Friday night—no doubt because most freshmen could have been arrested.
A number of students rushed the field and police arrested two. The students who escaped police, however, may not be spared college discipline, for Dartmouth uses Orwellian methods to catch them. Tejera writes,
Meteorologist: Forecasts not always right
Today is October 28 and the first snow of the year occurred five days ago. Today the D breaks this story in Area sees first snow of season. The October snowfall, however, does not necessarily portend a harsh winter. According to Nolan Atkins, an assistant professor at Lyndon State College, “‘Long term predictions need to be interpreted with caution. Sometimes they are right and sometimes they are wrong.”
Comedian: Dartmouth an “insane asylum”
Lewis Black on the College in Lindsay Barnes ‘06’s interview: “I’m always intrigued why people would go nowhere to go to school. When [I was looking at colleges to attend] it was all male, it was mythical in its status as an insane asylum.”
As Matthew Kelly ‘06 reports, the faculty received and applauded James Wright warmly at yesterday’s general faculty meeting. Wright was so pleased that he appeared jubilant to the reporter.
In addition to the two students who were arrested, one student has been identified by Safety and Security via videotape surveillance and will be subject to college sanctions. . . . The tape used to identify the third student is being further reviewed to possibly detain additional offenders.
My hope was that Wright had announced his retirement plans, but, alas. . .
TITLE: Post-Homecoming Hangover
DATE: 10/27/2003 12:45:00 PM
Whereas last year’s meeting was marked by virulent protest across departmental boundaries regarding budget cuts, President Wright’s address yesterday was greeted with strong applause, to the obvious delight of a smiling Wright.
What’s the difference?
October 21, 2003: “Editor’s Note: This is the first in a series of articles that will profile College alums working in film and television.”
October 28, 2003: “Editor’s Note: This the first in a series of articles profiling alums on the big and small screens.”
Binging on social norms
As Elisa Donnelly ‘07 reports, Harvard College has seen a surge in the number of students who need medical attention due to alcohol consumption. But, while Harvard’s numbers have increased, Dartmouth’s have remained constant over the past years. Dartmouth administrators would like to think that their Social Norms campaign is responsible for Dartmouth’s relative sobriety:
Even the most dim-witted Dartmouth student would agree that the social norms campaign is a waste of money. If the College really wants to “stop the hype” about alcohol consumption—whatever this hype may be—it should really stop plastering the campus with posters and flyers about alcohol, as many students have suggested previously. This no secret—the anti-drug and anti-smoking television ads have also proven counterproductive.
The Palaeopitus senior society will dedicate a week to “thanking Dartmouth employees," according to Steven Orbuch ‘06. As to why this approptiate now, Palaeopitus member Jason Ewart ‘04 responded, “We decided it was a good way to kick off the year with something big. We thought it was appropriate with what was going on at Harvard and Yale.” If you ask me, the less that is said about the Yale situation the better.
Fact: A community needs community members
Ryan Tan ‘05 writes in his op-ed:
The College’s Social Norms initiative, which collects and promotes data on student risk behaviors every spring, works to stop the hype about alcohol consumption and to present students with the facts of alcohol and drug usage on campus, according to the website.
A cogent point. It’s true that community members are an “indelible part of the community.”
TITLE: Read The Smarter Dartmouth, Then Go to the Bonfire
DATE: 10/24/2003 06:13:00 PM
Adding to the strain on Kresge are the graduate students, faculty and community members, all of whom are an indelible part of the community.
Freshman sez: Homecoming Special!
Ben Taylor ‘07 provides the sappy Homecoming op-ed this year with Ask Me Monday Morning. I suppose these op-eds are a necessary evil, for as long as there is a Homecoming, there will be eager freshmen waiting to offer their thoughts in writing. It’s unfortunate that Taylor is so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. For example,
Leave it to Taylor to note that he and other students both work and play hard. And he’s planning to play really hard this weekend, so much so that he will be incommunicado until Monday morning. My guess is that he will wake up on Monday and feel great shame—for having this printed.
Nonsensical Caption Alert!
Page 5: Stinson’s stocks beer “Big Green” cooler for Homecoming consumption.
And you say no one rages anymore. . .
When I read Freshman unsure, excited for weekend, I expected a piece on a single freshman who was both excited and unsure. The title did specify “freshman. However, the title was inaccurate and many frosh have a first-time uneasiness. Two students, however, are sure of their plans. “‘We expect to be drunk, naked and arrested before the fire is even lit,’ Brett Butler ‘07 and Ben Zimmerman ‘07 said. Those kids are crazy!
Have another one on me
As Matthew Kelly reports Dick’s House is expecting an eventful weekend and has increased its staff-on-duty by one. Most admitted students have either been burned or are drunken. Charley Bradley, the nursing director at Dick’s House, attributes these casualties to one of my favorite cocktails, “a powerful mix of alcohol and peer pressure.”
DATE: 10/23/2003 02:52:00 PM
There will not be any posts this afternoon. I'm taking the day off. Yesterday was particularly brutal for The Smarter Dartmouth, and I feel a day of rest is in order. I'll be back tomorrow.
TITLE: System Overload: The D Fights Back
DATE: 10/22/2003 01:43:00 PM
So what makes Homecoming special? That's the question that members of the class of 2007 have perhaps pondered when not playing beer pong, sleeping or trying to make sense of Kant.
Did I mention general bacchanalia?
I have to give my kudos to the D today. By giving me so much fodder, it has made my job much more difficult. When I first saw the paper, I knew this would be a special day...but this is ridiculous.
Shaunak Mewada probably voted for Buchanan
Only 22% of the Dartmouth community approve of George W. Bush’s performance and Howard Dean leads among all Presidential candidates, reports Shaunak Mewada ‘06. Mewada writes, “Former Vermont governor Howard Dean emerged as the front-runner in a question about a hypothetical presidential election. . .” This statement is false: the question was not “about a hypothetical presidential election.” A ballot in a real presidential election would not include nine Democratic candidates. A ballot in a real presidential election would not let voters punch the “Don’t Know” chad.
Bernstein asks the tough questions
Julia Bernstein ‘07’s op-ed today considers the College’s treatment of prospective students. Bernstein has been on campus for a month and has been busy “dodging Safety and Security and the Hanover Police.” (Note to Bernstein: You are not funny.) She thinks that prospective students do not get a true “perspective” of the College when they are housed with frosh. She writes,
I am not going to answer this question. Bernstein answers it for me in the next paragraph: “. . .most freshmen are no more than a year older than these visiting students.” Bernstein is too worried about “perspective” to consider why this arrangement is practical. To place 17/18 year-old prospectives with 21/22 year-old seniors is impractical. Seniors and upperclassmen, most likely, do not want to be burdened with a student shadow. Moreover, the admissions office would only be asking for trouble by mixing students of these ages. Admissions would like to think that prospectives do not “rage” when they arrive on campus. Most freshmen, by state law, are prevented from purchasing alcoholic beverages ergo they will not provide their guests with alcohol. Replace freshmen with seniors, and the issue becomes a little more murky.
Nudging the Ivory Tower
Linda Fowler and Ivy Schweitzer “ponder [the] lack of conservatives on college faculties” in Mike Herman’s report. Both acknowledge the dearth of conservatives among faculties, but have very little useful to say about it. In fact, they have nothing useful to say.
Linda Fowler believes that conservatives are scarce because they are predisposed to other careers.
A business would be hesitant to entrust new or desired employees to their most junior recruits. Why does our admissions office have no qualms about doing the equivalent?
This is becoming a common argument in the campus wars, but it remains arrogant and condescending. It is very similar to a story in the New York Times about why conservatives dominate the talk radio waves. The piece simply stated that those who listen to talk radio have blue-collar jobs—truck driving, for instance—and can listen to the radio quite often. The suggestion was that liberals were educated and did not have such round-the-clock access to the radio. And, to suggest that conservatives, are not interested in the humanities is wrong. She should read the New Criterion.
Ivy Schweitzer, poet and professor, needs to learn the meaning of liberal. She told the Dartmouth:
Liberals, she argued, are more drawn to study topics like history, religion, philosophy and similar disciplines because “they’re predisposed to take relativist views—that’s why the study what they study.” On the other hand, conservatives who go to graduate school tend to pursue other career paths in the private sector or in poltics instead of academia, Fowler said.
I like how Chien Wen Kung succintly commented over on Dartobserver: “Wrong,” he posted.
Professors explain the lack of balance in the academy using these lame excuses because they are comfortable with the status quo. It will be interesting to see how much longer they can keep it up.
Conservatives are mean
Not only do conservatives want to enrich themselves at the expense of the poor, destroy the environment, and fight wars, they also are mean. So says a doo-ragged Katie Greenwood ‘04, the Carrie Nation of the Greek System, who tells Vivian Chung ‘07 that she met “many nice—meaning liberal” students when she first visited campus.
A Nod to Campus Hippies: Dartmouth, it is a-changin’
A syllogism: Conservatives are mean. Dartmouth is conservative. Dartmouth is mean.
Well, Dartmouth does have a conservative reputation, so much so that it may deter potential applicants, as Vivian Chung ‘07 reports. Karl Furstenberg acknowledges this rep, but adds that it no longer applies:
“Is the general atmosphere here ‘liberal?’ Yes, because we are a liberal arts institution, and a liberal arts education is supposed to produce ‘liberal’ attitudes that encourage forward thinking ideas about inclusion, equality and innovation.”
Furstenberg likewise believes that the conservative stereotype has faded. While Dartmouth is still seen as more “politically conservative than the other Ivies,” its image is rapidly changing, Furstenbeg said.
The suggestion is that a conservative campus is a bad campus. A balanced campus is equally disagreeable, thus a college must lean left. Dartmouth is already there—no surprise after reading the views of administrators.
Wright was a history prof?
College administrators are masters of propanganda, and James Wright is quite adept at this. In Dax Tejera ‘07’s report, Wright just lies.
“Stereotypes take a long time to get rid of,” Furstenberg said, but he is optimistic about the future.
As proof, Wrights adds that he is careful not to kowtow to candidates for office when they are on campus–no photo-ops, public endorsement of views, etc. You may quickly retort that campus issues are often political as well. Apparently not, for
President of the College James Wright said that he must be constantly vigilant that he does not express partisanship whenever he is acting in an official capacity.
I don’t know which is worse: to think that Dartmouth administrators are stupid enough to believe this or that Dartmouth administrators think that Dartmouth students are stupid enough to believe this. There is a clash between conservative and liberal ideologies. It’s not just presidential campaigns that are political.
Was or was not Wright a history professor?
TITLE: From Cans to Kegs?
DATE: 10/21/2003 11:13:00 AM
According to senior administrators, the vast majority of issues which have had any public prominence are issues so related to higher education that it is exceedingly difficult to cast them in a partisan light.
Student: Kegs will prevent underage drinking
The Student Assembly wants the College to reconsider its keg policy for fraternities, reports Colin Barry ‘06. Students plan to meet with administrators to discuss kegs and other Greek-related matters within weeks. The current keg policy is flawed, but this alone does not give students license to be disingenuous:
In that case, Theta social chairs need not worry about any liability that registered kegs present, and the College need not worry about underage drinking.
The problems here are not ‘ambiguous’
Occasionally, I come across great prose that I could only hope to emulate. Some sentences are great because of their greatness. That sentence was terrible—but don’t tell that to John Kim ‘06. In his review of Mystic River, he writes, “Ambiguity is not necessarily a flaw, but the problem with the conclusion is that it is ambiguous in its ambiguity.”
More from Kim: “The word ‘potent’ is thrown around recklessly by thesaurus-happy critics. . .” I doubt that critics, no matter how bad, need a thesaurus to find the word ‘potent.’ It’s fairly common.
As a child I was never allowed to open any gifts on Christmas Eve—not even one. Today, however, when I picked up the D, I felt that Christmas truly had come early. I saw that I did not have to wait until Friday’s Dartmouth Mirror to read a Rebecca Leffler '04 piece, for she has contributed Alum is queen of the TV jungle.
Apparently, a Dartmouth alumna stars in the WB’s “new simian drama, ‘Tarzan.’” “Tarzan,” from what I could glean from the article is not a simian drama in its current incarnation. A simian drama would deal with apes and monkeys; Tarzan is a man, not a monkey. We could consider him a “man-ape” as Leffler does at one point in the article, but I still consider simian an incorrect adjective.
How about simianthropic?
TITLE: Op-eds Reach New Low
DATE: 10/20/2003 01:20:00 PM
‘From a sorority perspective, we prefer having control over the alcohol in our space,’ Epsilon Kappa Theta President Katie Leiberg ‘04 said. ‘If we have one keg in one location, we’re much better at being able to monitor that under-21-year-olds are not having a drink.’
Homeschoolers Face Problems
The D today begins a series on “unusual high school experiences” of Dartmouth students. Today’s topic: home-schooling. Licyau Wong ‘07 glimpses into the lives of Dartmouth homeschoolers and also tries to dispel some myths concerning these students. The popular imagination views home-schoolers as socially-maladjusted youths controlled by overprotective and extremely religious parents. Not so, according to Peter Furstenburg: “‘Home-schoolers tend to be strong candidates and are usually a bit more mature, independent and self-motivating, making it easy for them to assimilate to college.’”
Home-schooled students face problems applying to college because they lack transcripts. Thus, they are often forced to take college courses and AP exams so that admissions offices will have some point of reference. While this is normal for many students, it only contributes to negative stereotypes of home-schoolers: “For example, [James Throckmorton ‘06] got the opportunity to take an Advanced Placement history class with a group of other home-schoolers, taught by a member of his church.” Perhaps this church member could teach Wong a thing or two about grammatical sentences.
Dazed, Confused, and Bored
Of late, many of the D’s reviews of performances at the Hop have described the ‘perplexities’ of these events. No difference today, as Jaime Padgett ‘07 awkwardly puts it: “Mixing elements of American, Mexican and Japanese cultures, the film was rather difficult to get a grasp on.” The film was “El Automovil Gril,” a silent work which, in this adaptation, fuses live actors (benshis) with the action onscreen. Padgett seems to confuse difficult with horrible: “This inevitably gave way to those audience members going from scratching their heads to moving their feet as they walked out of the auditorium, lost and without much desire to find their way back.” True, after reading that sentence, I found my eyes “without much desire to find” the rest of the article.
The real reason that people left seems not the be the "perplexity" of the performance, but its lack of quality. According to Padgett, “For a solid ten minutes in the film, all three benshis bark like dogs and meow like cats at the top of their lungs.” The benshis [proceeded] to dance on the stage for no apparent reason.” When it comes to fusion of Mexican, Japanese, and American culture, I prefer to stick with the cuisine.
Op-ed Alert: Worst Column Ever!
Today in her column, Tanisha Keshava ‘05 writes, “We are all human, so we’re bound to keep making mistakes. But sometimes the mistakes we make are horrible enough that they cannot be forgiven.” That’s a very astute observation, but, unfortunately, I cannot forgive Keshava for publishing the mistake that is her column. Columns like this are the worst kind because they are completely pointless. All Keshava does is create a concatenation of clichés.
Keshava once was told that college would be the best four years of her life. Now, after two years, she hints that maybe college is the best—a sentiment in part due to her state of oblivion as evidenced by the fruition of this column. I doubt she will change her mind. And, I will hazard a guess for a title of her final D column. Drawing inspiration from her D forebears, she will write “Four Years at Dartmouth: What a Long, Strange, and Beautiful Trip It’s Been!!!!!”
TITLE: The Dartmouth Contemporary
DATE: 10/20/2003 01:00:00 PM
To err is human, to forgive divine. Forgiveness has to be earned; it is something you have to deserve. It’s rare to find someone who will forgive you easily after you have committed a gross violation of some sort. But if and when you do find such a person, I recommend you hold to them [sic] for dear life because you may have stumbled on something special, something worth preserving, something worth living for. Life is a series of bonds made and broken—you just have to learn which ones are worth fighting for.
Many of my loyal readers were no doubt disappointed when they turned to The Smarter Dartmouth last weekend. On Friday I noted that I would comment on both the Dartmouth Mirror and the Dartmouth Contemporary. However, I never posted my Contemporary comments. I’m sure rumors abounded about my status. I was the talk of the campus and likely the Upper Valley. Eastern Europeans even reconsidered whether they should name a mountain after me. But, as usual I was on top of matters. The Contemporary arrived in early October, yet the issue stated that this was the “September-October 2003” issue. Traditionally, a “September-October” issue would come out in September. Thus, I give you my comments from last week this week.
Kate Huyett ‘05 had a wild summer. From what I gathered, she took a trip to India and later to the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Even more impressive was her mode of transportation: a 336 page novel called the Life of Pi. But maybe I’m reading her review of Yann Martel’s book a little to literally. She writes, “Martel’s novel quite literally picked me up out of my un-air-conditioned apartment and plunked me down first in India, then in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.” Quite a book for only $14, and Huyett realizes this: “For next term, I’m choosing mobility: It will be on my off-term. Most of my books will remain in Hanover. But Life of Pi will come with me.” I can only guess what kind of wacky adventures they’ll have together.
Cole Entress ‘06, in his review of Michael Chabon’s Summerland, wrestles with the question of audience. Is the book truly a children’s tale or is it a book geared toward adults though marketed to children? Entress wants to consider it in terms of the summer blockbuster Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, but he finds Summerland too rife with literary merits and obscure cultural references. This is a surprise to him. I, however, am not surprised. When I heard that Chabon was writing a children’s book, I was skeptical—what ten year-old in a bookstore would choose Chabon over Rowlings? Maybe I’m wrong, but I doubt that many pre-teens have read the Adventures of Kavalier and Clay or seen Wonder Boys. Again—I could be wrong—but I’m quite confident that many pre-teens have read previous Potter books and seen the movies. I was hoping that Chabon would write something for kids that would be more edgy than the Boxcar Children but less controversial than Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret, but he didn’t. Entress wants kids to enjoy this book, but he discovers too many aspects of the book that children will not understand—and rightly so. Summerland strikes me as a novel that is a lot like David Lynch’s A Straight Story—just because it’s rated G, it doesn’t mean that kids will enjoy it.
The students at the Contemporary strive for intellectual hipness. And while a review of the Da Vinci Code does nothing but harm this image, their overall effort still reeks of dilettantism. Combining literature, photography, poetry, and humor is very difficult—maybe that’s why there are so many bad literary magazines out there. But the Contemporary makes the comtemptible embarrassing. “Seven steamy summer reads in seven hot spots” is hilarious because of its failure and pathetic because it was attempted. I feel particularly bad for Thomas and Louisa Crosby. Who knew that a century after their deaths two undergrads would embrace between their graves and sensually devour grapes?
I’m a fairly tolerant person. There are a lot of things/people I don’t like, but I deal with it/them. One thing that I cannot tolerate is whimsy, and the Contemporary gives us two pages of it. In “First Things First” students and professors wrote “inventive first lines for novels, poems, musicals, epics, biographies, and textbooks.” Let’s just forget that this was ever printed. Deal?
TITLE: The D Insults New Yorkers!
DATE: 10/17/2003 01:31:00 PM
‘Insane’ Lead Alert
Jaime Padgett ‘07 reports: “Recycled Percussion, the insanely high-energy band visiting the Dartmouth campus this Friday, is anything but garbage, even if their music is made from trash.”
Bias in the D
I could care less about baseball, the playoffs, etc. I am curious about the reaction of the College’s Yankee fans to a headline today: “Curses: Yanks win thrilling game 7.” That’s enough to clear the benches, I’d say. The Yankees, however, do have connections to the Granite State.
Don’t Fight the Power
Don’t tell Joe Lieberman’s daughter that her father’s performance in the polls has not been good. Yesterday, as Licyau Wong ‘06 reports, Rebecca Lieberman spoke to a group of students and told them: “To me, of course, he is the number one candidate.”
I have no doubt that Lieberman’s numbers will rise, especially as more folks hear from his daughter. Her job is “spreading the power of Joe.” And no one will be spared: “I want everyone to feel the power of Joe.” It’s only a matter of time.
Future Non-Contradiction Fodder?
Last winter, Kabir Sehgal ‘05 wrote an op-ed that questioned whether it was proper for students to write columns about national and international politics/events. I would link to it, but the D’s current archives... He encouraged students to focus primarily on campus issues. I remember this because the op-ed was very similar to an editorial I had written a few week earlier, almost too similar. I emailed Sehgal about this and included quotes from both articles that he might see some very striking similarities. He responded, "Thanks for reading my article." I was satisfied. In hindsight, his appeals to focus on the College were the beginning of the Buzzflood.
Today, however, Sehgal appears to have grown up. The other kids can write about Dartmouth—Sehgal is now using his wisdom to write about the possibility of the use of “affirmative action” during Iraq’s reconstruction.
Sehgal can write about whatever he wants—I really don’t care. It’s just curious that his views on op-ed writing have changed so abruptly. Moreover, if Sehgal is responsible for branding this institution, I expect consistency. What should I do if what is "excellence" one day is not the next?
TITLE: Cruelty to Scholer
DATE: 10/16/2003 12:36:00 PM
Nothing But Net
A Steven Orbuch ‘06 story once again finds itself in The Smarter Dartmouth. His piece on Blackboard and other e-communication class tools carries the headline, “Professors use net for discussion.” I had no idea what this meant. I thought of things like ropes courses, but, when I read the article, it all became clear. The article was about the “’Net,” as in Internet. Someone should have a “discussion” with the copy editor. Seriously.
Note to Laura Glickman: You Only Need To Read the Second Sentence
Today Laura Glickman ‘07 reports on the college rankings offered by the Atlantic in The Selectivity Illusion this month. Next time Glickman faces a similar assignment, I politely suggest that she read the entire article accompanying the data, as arduous as that task may be. It appears that Glickman read only the first three paragraphs.
Glickman falls into the trap that the Don Peck in “The Selectivity Allusion,” describes: to her and others at the D, these rankings “have an almost fetishistic appeal.” There is no reason to compare these statistics to the U.S. News & World Report stats. The Atlantic was ranking only a school’s “selectivity,” while U.S. News considers many more factors. Plus, Peck comes across as dubious of U.S. News-style rankings. It's too bad that Glickman didn’t finish the article for she would have read Peck’s closing remarks:
Also, the kids at Buzzflood should read this issue of the Atlantic.
Planning a Road Trip This Fall?
Liz Yepsen ‘07 writes on the fall leaf and tourist season. Students and tourists alike enjoy the fall colors, but, for those who do not, Yepsen provides some ideas. She concludes her article:
Still, there is something inherently attractive about trying to rate schools based on their selectivity. Such a rating seems to provide clarity. But the clarity is an illusion.
Yes, the “road trip” is an autumn activity “near campus.” I have no idea what that means. And, moreover, why relegate the “road trip” to a specific season? This is college.
This is ‘Intolerable Cruelty’
Caroline McKenzie ‘07 struggled to write her review of Intolerable Cruelty. I do not know McKenzie personally, but a quick glance at the article will prove my point.
Other fall activities near campus include hayrack and buggy rides, apple picking, and road trips.
I find it slightly ironic that McKenzie criticizes this movie for being “too thin” and “too fluffy.” It is as if McKenzie were writing a paper and were short on material. She has to make the required length and does so by repeating herself ad infinitum. Eventually, confusion sets in and things stop making sense. I hope from now on that McKenzie has no qualms writing articles that are extremely short—for her and for the Dartmouth community.
TITLE: Apologies: I couldn't force myself to read the Dave Matthew's review
DATE: 10/15/2003 01:08:00 PM
“Intolerable Cruelty” is a bumpy road spliced with individual gags, when it should be a steady stream of laughs. The plot is often a little too thin and the romantic edge a little too fluffy for the comedy to hold out. That said, it is a romantic comedy, and at that a pretty good one. On the whole it’s a thoroughly enjoyable experience, with great performances and a lot of laughs.
Finally... A Sensible Mascot
Allison Smith ‘06 today writes in a Letter to the Editor of her support for the campaign to elect a new mascot. Like many students, however, she was displeased with the choices. Unlike most students, however, she did something about it. Smith came up with the worst idea for a mascot that I have ever seen rendered in print.
Smith wishes to bestow on Dartmouth the mascot, the “Green Thumbs.” This new mascot would be “all-inclusive” and “have a positive influence on this campus.” She cites its non-offensive nature: “It is a mascot to which everyone can relate, [sic] we all have thumbs.” Wrong. Not everyone has thumbs, perhaps due to birth defects or lawn mower accidents. Moreover, this new mascot would welcome athletes and “organic farmers, vegans, and enviro-activists.” Part of my problem with the search for a new mascot was the absence of a vegan-voice—don’t underestimate it.
Smith believes, nay knows, that the Green Thumb is the mascot for the College: “I believe the “Green Thumb” is clearly the choice mascot for Dartmouth.” The “Green Thumb” is not “clearly” the choice. What is clear, however, is that Smith is an idiot.
Rush To Move?
Greek leadership on campus would like to see rush moved either to sophomore fall or freshman spring, reports Colin Barry. Greeks will approach Dean of the College James Larimore, who is responsible for enacting any changes, with proposals.
The change has the support of many Greeks. Barry writes, “Earlier rush would also improve the financial position of Greek organizations, particularly smaller fraternities and sororities.” If rush is moved, the Class of 2008 will likely be the first to benefit.
Whether the College will move rush is a difficult question. Rush was moved just two years ago at the behest of the Trustees. However, since then, the College seems to have warmed to Greek organizations. New policies have severely restricted the activities of frats, and the College is now firmly in control. Plus, the College’s failure to control Zeta Psi after its derecognition should have taught the College a valuable lesson. An administrative ukase cannot end the Greek system. As long as the houses are privately owned and have alumni support, it is in the College’s best interest to control the system from the confines of Parkhurst. My guess is that rush will be moved to sophomore fall.
TITLE: Answered: My Prayers for an Off-Campus Folk/A cappella Scene
DATE: 10/14/2003 11:57:00 AM
Meet me at the Canoe Club
A new restaurant hopes to tap into Hanover’s lucrative late night market, reports Steven Orbuch ‘06 today. The Canoe Club will take over the space vacated by Mojo’s Bistro this summer and will feature live music. I give this alternative social option six months to a year.
After reading this article, I am not sure the owner, John Chaplin, has figured out what he is doing. He has “promised that the restaurant may stay open as late as midnight seven nights a week.” He also has determined exactly the type of food he will serve: ‘“It will have to be more than the run of the mill tavern food, but it will be less elaborate than high-end fine dining.” It’s unfortunate that one cannot simply open a bar in this town, but such is Hanover.
I don’t know what is going to distinguish this place from, say, Five Olde, which is open until one on most nights and already has an established scene. I think that the possibility of live music is more deterrent than boon, especially on a nightly basis. India Queen pulls it off a few times a year because they only do it a few times a year. It will also be difficult for Chaplin to find 50 employees. I suggest he start by luring students away from Rosey Jeke’s.
The Canoe Club was slated to open October 20, but the opening has since been delayed.
One Man’s Freedom Fighter is Another’s Terrorist
Tariq Ramadan, a professor at the Universities of Fribourg and Geneva, spoke on campus yesterday. As Vivian Chung ‘07 reports, Ramadan did not have much to offer.
Ramadan said that the list of terrorist groups changed depending on the government and public political interest of the time. This makes it difficult who [sic] we consider a terrorist.
Not that this view is at all novel. We’ve been hearing it fairly often post-9/11.
Cleanse the Spirit
Christine Huggins ‘07 in her review of Tarantino’s Kill Bill:
While killing innocent people in Israel is condemnable, he argued that it is not the same as killing innocent people in the states, since New York is not occupied territory.
Many reviewers have commented on the extreme violence, but none has done so as eloquently as MovieGuide.
If you like intricate fight scenes, bad-ass characters and plenty of gore, this movie’s for you. However, for most moviegoers, the geysers of crimson are just too much.
TITLE: Student to Parkhurst: Admins are 'Minions!'
DATE: 10/13/2003 12:58:00 PM
KILL BILL is a gory, disgusting, over-the-top, violent comic book film about hate-and-anger-driven revenge. Moral audiences that might accidentally stumble into this movie will need to take a bath immediately afterwards – to cleanse the heart and mind of the graphic images of rape and every type of violence.
Ambiguous Headline Alert!
Last week the D reported on higher DDS prices. Some students have blamed the poor-performing kosher-halal-sakahara Pavilion dining hall for high prices. Not the case, as Matthew Kelly reports in today’s ambiguous headline.
Kelly: Report ranks College high for pork spending
After reading N. Alex Tonelli ‘06’s op-ed in today’s D, I proclaim the end of controversial speech codes on this campus. Tonelli puts it to the administrators like he has twelve right hands: “I call for Dartmouth to repeal its speech codes or admit that it does not value academic freedom and drop the intellectual pompousness it carries proudly.”
It’s not that I disagree with Tonelli. I agree with Silverglate, especially on campus matters, and Tonelli faithfully reproduces his views. However, I do not see the point of decreeing a fatwa on the administration. Maybe I’m just jaded.
Arguably, this is bad
A few years ago James J. Kilpatrick, whose column appeared in my Sunday paper, wrote a column excoriating those who use the word “arguably.” The word serves no purpose because everything, to some extent, is arguable. Banish it, he wrote. Laura Jones '04 in Breyer defends democracy uses “arguably” and some other dubious turns of phrase. She writes,
We could argue about her use of “in reality,” but I don’t have the time. Of course this statement is arguable, especially in the context of an article about arguablyone of the nine most important lawyers in the land.
Omar Sosa Octet: My Favorite Seven-Man Octet
The Omar Sosa Octet performed at the Hop without one of its players. It seems Mohamed El M’rabet had some problems with customs.
In reality, Breyer and his fellow justices are charged with arguably the most important responsibility of any American, the defense of the Constitution and the adjudication of conflicts regarding federal law.
If you missed this performance of the “Octet,” be sure to catch them at their next tour stop. The venue: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
TITLE: The Dartmouth Mirror Loves the Eighties
DATE: 10/12/2003 11:06:00 PM
However, only seven members of the band appeared on stage. According to Sosa, the eighth member, Mohamed El M’rabet, was detained at customs on account of his name.
Remember the Eighties: the sweet parties, the Berlin Wall, mountains of blow. I don’t remember much—I guess I just raged a bit too hard. Or, perhaps, my hazy memories are due to my age. When the decade ended, I had just turned eight years-old. The kids at the Dartmouth Mirror remember the Eighties. In fact, they remember the decade so fondly that they decided to devote this week’s issue to it. It’s a brilliant encomium, and I’d say that VH1 may have some competition.
If columns wore Zubaz, this column would own the entire NFL collection
Sarah Stein ‘05’s weekly column is a testament to her encyclopedic knowledge of all things fashion. Now, I am no fashion maven, but I know what I like—and Stein’s column I do not like. Normally, I would not deign to comment on this, but a glaring factual error caught my eye. Stein writes, “Yet, with fashion’s latest offerings, you can still piece together a hot outfit that Kelly Kapowski would have worn with pride.” I usually love Saved By the Bell references, but I would argue that SBTB is a Nineties program. Unless, Stein was referring specifically to the first season—but I doubt it.
Eighties film: Beyond definition
Steven Orbuch ‘06 weighs in on his picks for the top movies of the Eighties. He begins, “The ‘80s movie has become a genre unto itself. Much like pornography, what makes an 80s movie is hard to define, but you know it when you see it.” First, it’s “obscenity,” not “pornography.” And, contrary to Orbuch’s sentence, I will do my best to define what makes an “Eighties movie:” An Eighties movie is a movie that was released during the 1980s.
Helgeson ‘05 would have supported the diving team
Unlike most ‘05’s Cory Helgeson should remember the Eighties. A child prodigy, you ask? No, good God no! Helgeson is 37 years-old and has transferred to Dartmouth.
When I first read this interview, I thought it was a joke. I looked up Helgeson on blitz and found out that such a student did exist. Then I learned that someone I knew had a class with him. The interview checks out, although I wish it did not because it is embarrassing and degrading. At a point in our lives—probably around age fifteen or sixteen—some of may have considered how “cool” it would be to attend college as an adult à la Rodney Dangerfield in Back to School. The dream became reality for Helgeson, and, while his dream of attending college was not deferred, his dream of achieving maturity commensurate with a man of his age was. Am I being overly harsh? I offer some excerpts from the interview:
Helgeson, by the way, is an Art History major.
TITLE: Special Finance Edition
DATE: 10/10/2003 12:53:00 PM
Helgeson: And’ll I’ll predict who will be in the porno industry in the years to come and what kind of kink they’ll be into. You’ll like to be tied up, you’ll take it from behind, what have you.
Helgeson: I think [the Mexican pornography industry has] taken enough money from me over the years that I want some back now.
Helgeson: [Living in a dorm] is great, I’m glad I’m in a single in Topliff. I spend a lot of time in my room, studying, and self-pleasuring.
Recall James Wright
In Thomas Sexton '04's report on the College endowment, Barry Scherr says, “You are going to have the occasional bad years, and we seem to have had ours.” And he is correct. Last year was a bad year with cuts to libraries, course offerings, and a near-cut of the swim team. And, while the College may have a more long-term investment strategy than comparable institutions, it obviously does not have a long-term spending strategy. If the College expects “occasional bad years”, why does it not plan for these “bad years?” Should every year of poor or negative return force the College to cut essential programs? Of course not—and the cutting and elimination of programs is a choice. The College chooses to dramatically increase Student Life spending—especially residential life spending—at the expense of programs that are truly necessary like libraries. The administration uses diminished return as the scapegoat. The problem is the administration, not the endowment.
The College should buy vowels, not property
Daniel Ng ‘04’s op-ed is an anamoly in the pages of the Dartmouth. It is coherent and his complaints concerning Hanover are accurate. From personal experience, I know that “Rental space in one of those [downtown buildings] must be quite expensive.” However, I disagree with Ng proposal to make the downtown more student-friendly. Ng wants to see the College take action.
Bad idea. The College should get out of Hanover. Of course, this will never happen. The College wants all students on campus. It cannot forcefully do this, so it resorts to a less transparent scheme: control the downtown by controlling its property.
On page one a headline reads, Student verdict: It’s the moose. The article continues on page three with the header “Student opinion on moose remains mixed.” Where’s Tanisha Keshava and her “Non-contradiction” column? This is as inane as the whole Moose mascot debate and vote. The moose, in fact, has very little student support. Of 2300 voters, the moose edged its fellow mascot candidates, but received only 35.4 percent of the vote. The 29.4 percent of voting students who voted against all proposed mascots need not worry. Our men and women Big Green will not be soon known as the Moose. The alumni will never support such a change and, as a result, neither will the Trustees.
The only students in the report who vocally supported the Moose were freshmen and they cited the moose’s ferocity as the reason. “Like Dartmouth, the moose is more vicious than you might think, said freshman Kevin Yates. To consider Dartmouth as “vicious” as the moose is an insult to the majestic beast.
Just as Dartmouth needs a new mascot, writer Amy Do ‘07 needs a class in reporting. She misquotes Alex Talcott ‘04. Not that this a surprise.
Coming this weekend:the Dartmouth Mirror and the Dartmouth Contemporary.
TITLE: Basic Homiletics
DATE: 10/09/2003 11:52:00 AM
As a major landlord in Hanover, the College could lower the rents it charges and force the other landlords to do the same to compete. The College could also carve out commercial space in places like the Hop with low rentals to encourage businesses that welcome students.
Frosh Prez: I like “having fun”
The freshman Class Council appears to be in good hands as Liz Yesen ‘07 reports. The 2007s named David Zubricki and Karan Danthi president and vice president, respectively. The voters chose wisely—Zubricki is the man for the job. He is qualified: “he was on his speech team in high school and follows local and national politics religiously.” He also enjoys the life's finer things: “He is interested in politics, skiing, movies and ‘having fun.’” Too often, in these difficult times, we read of candidates with little experience in the realm of public service. Too often candidates appear to the public wooden and aloof. Zubricki is a welcome change.
Danthi, a fellow fun-lover, plans to improve the bonfire so that it ignites and represents freshman esprit de corps. He hopes to “[cooperate] with the chemistry department to make the 2007 bonfire burn a green color, in recognition of 2007 school spirit.” You heard it here first: Look for big things from these kids.
When I was 18
Michael Jalowski ‘05 is the master of hyperbole in his op-ed, The Times, They are a Changin’. Just take a look at how he begins:
The problem here, as I see it, is that Jalowski “thought.” I too succumb to exaggeration at times, but to have me burned for “witchcraft” when I consider a time only two years hence is a bit much. It is also not funny.
Columns like this are completely superfluous. Freshmen do not need to be told by another student to enjoy themselves, particularly in such an inane fashion in the college newspaper. Despite what Jalowski says, a freshman’s first Keystone will not “taste like nectar.” Although ‘Stones are never bitter, they are watered-down. Freshmen do not need to be told why bitching about the D-Plan is relevant. Jalowski is essentially urging freshmen to rage against the dying of the light that is their freshmen year. Fact: No one rages anymore. Fiction: One rages.
I, however, will offer some advice to the frosh: Do not read and/or comment in writing on this op-ed. You will lose ten minutes of your life that you can never get back.
The Animal Human
Sam Stein 04’s op-ed, Angry Tigers, Oxycontin Addicts is a repudiation of Jalowski. I doubt this was intentional, but, nevertheless, Jawolski preaches and Stein tells us not to preach.
Stein excoriates conservative commentators in a column that is more mind and body-numbing than any quantity of Oxycontin. Stein describes the apparent hypocrisy of what conservatives do and what they tell the citizenry to do. He cites Rush Limbaugh and his alleged painkiller addiction and Bill Bennett and his admitted gambling habits. Stein makes his position clear: “Both sides of these debates—and both sides are equally culpable—need to stop the moral one upmanship and leave the preaching of virtues to our parents and religious institutions.” Swish.
TITLE: Reporting 101
DATE: 10/08/2003 01:10:00 PM
Bob Dylan said this many years ago and although I once thought otherwise, I am now convinced he was referring to college. Specifically to Dartmouth. Even more specifically, to me and my friends and the past two years we’ve spent here. I remember my first year here, when ‘02 meant senior and ‘05 meant freshman, and had you told me then that one day there would be ‘07s roaming the Green I would have burned you for witchcraft.
The Shadow Report
A likely scenario: A freshman D writer attends a campus event, listens to the speaker intently, takes copious notes, and then completely muddles the information. Vivian Chung ‘07 did just that with her coverage of Harvey Silverglate’s speech and dinner discussion. She writes,
Chung must have really liked this pendulum analogy—she refers to it again later in her article. Her reporting on it is mysterious—most likely, she didn’t understand what Silverglate said. The pendulum, according to Silverglate, represents the historical swing of public opinion. For instance, in times of war, our society has often seen certain rights curtailed. The pendulum analogy is “not extremely useful for the preservation of liberty;” rather it explains the past, present, and future state of liberty—the status quo is not permanent.
For an accurate and coherent account of Silverglate’s message and an additional interview, be sure to check out the next issue of The Dartmouth Review.
For the 1,000,001th Time
Tanisha Keshava ‘05, fresh off her column about dating, delves into the political arena today in her op-ed, Power of the People. Keshava has proven that she cannot write an original column and now admits it: “...I’m sure all of you have heard this from a million sources countless times before.” Actually, it’s a million and one now. And, guess what, her column today pleads with apathetic students to get out and rock the vote. At stake is democracy, freedom, and the last Presidential election. “If each and every eligible college student had voted in this last election, perhaps we wouldn’t have Bush as our president right now,” she writes. This is an effective strategy: Urge students to vote by telling them about the influence they could have had on a election that is now over.
If I were running a campaign, I would hire Keshava as a strategist: “More importantly, it seems as though the politicians are catering to the interests of the older members of the society, effectively ignoring the primarily non-voting population of college-age adults.” If I were to run for office, I would campaign solely to those who do not vote.
Obvious Recall “Theory” Alert!
Davis, Bustamante, and other high-profile California recall personalities have conceded and Arnold Schwarzenegger is primed to take office in Sacramento. Eugene Kim ‘03 offered his brash insight in Colin Barry’s report today: “Kim a native of Palos Verdes Estates, Ca., theorized that the state’s troubled finances provided some of the impetus for Davis’s recall.”
TITLE: Freshman Writer Amazes
DATE: 10/07/2003 12:04:00 PM
In his lecture “Free Speech on Campus Before and After 9/11” Silverglate examined the history of free speech in the United States, likening it to a constantly swinging pendulum. Like a pendulum, he said, there is more or less freedom of speech depending on the public political opinion and events in that particular period of history.
This pendulum is extremely useful for the preservation of liberty, Silverglate said, for those currently in power have to recognize that they will not necessarily be in charge in the future.
Stupid Quote of the Day
Jim Baehr ‘05 in Buzzflood catches wave of backlash: “[Buzzflood-style publicity is necessary] because a surprising amount of people don’t know about Dartmouth...everyone should have the chance to find out about such a special place.”
Ergo, if you oppose the ends of Buzzflood, you are actually an elitist. Buzzflood wants to enlighten the masses for their own good—it’s about opening doors and pushing aside the Social Register.
Why Professors are necessary
Page 1: Profs: Disillusionment, money drive recall vote
What were the D editors thinking? I
In today’s D there are two pieces from Michael Sarinsky '07. I don’t recall having seen his work before and I believe these are his first by-lines. And, for good reason—he is terrible.
Sarinsky cuts his teeth in an “In Focus” review of the Hop’s new South of the Border cuisine in New Mexican foods spice up Courtyard Cafe menu. (I love New Mexican food.) Sarinsky did a wonderful job—his ramblings made me feel as if I had just eaten a new Hop burrito. Although his opening paragraphs are weak, they are acceptable. The problem begins with a non sequitur: he is discussing the success of the new Hop items, but then, “Now, I am not a huge fan of Mexican food. In fact, I’m only slightly less picky than a vegan on a diet.” These sentences should have made me stop reading, but I persevered. The article degrades from this point as Sarinsky tells humorous anecdotes of his eating experiences at the HOP: “These gooey, cheese-filled pitas are grilled to perfection by a hard-working man wearing a hairnet.” That’s observational humor at its finest.
What were the D editors thinking? II
Michael Sarinsky is a smart kid. When he wrote his op-ed, Tupac—Still Rapping, I have a feeling he was considering matters post-structural. “It’s not so much what I write, but what I don’t write,” I imagine him saying to his very unfortunate roommate in their cramped quarters. Let’s continue with this line of thought: what Sarinsky didn’t write was something that was worth reading.
Sarinsky begins by making fun of a black man’s non-traditional name: “When I first learned that Tupac Shakur had been shot to death in a drive-by shooting in September of 1996, my immediate reaction was one of shock, terror and disappointment: ‘What kind of name is Tupac?’”
The column considers the posthumous releases of albums by Tupac Shakur, which disturbs Sarinsky. “My mind is completely boggled,” he writes. An accurate statement—there is no reason for this column to have appeared today or any day. Critics have claimed that rap music makes its listeners dumber; the same can be said for the readers of Sarinsky’s work. Sarinsky is not funny. His attempts at humor fail: “[Tupac’s appearance at the MTV video awards] would have been the first ever documented resurrection, no matter what the religious right claims about Jesus, because even Jesus never made a music video while he was dead.” In the words of Paul Barman—whom I believe Sarinsky referenced when he wrote, “...this one kid from my high school who claimed to be the rapping representative of the Jewish upper-middle class...”—his IQ loses to his fitted baseball hat size.
TITLE: Monday Recall Special
DATE: 10/06/2003 12:53:00 PM
For those students who can’t get enough of the action on the Left Coast, Dartmouth is having a recall of its own as Zachary Goldstein ‘06 reports. In question is Dartmouth’s mascotless void and the fate of the Big Green. Early numbers indicate that more than a third of 2000 student voters wish to replace the Big Green with the Dartmouth Moose. Trailing distantly are a Dr. Seuss character, the Yeti, the Salty Dog, and the Forester. Twenty-three percent of students are “not satisfied with the candidates offered.”
The mascot recall, if successful, will prove the most socially conscious mascot-naming in recent history. The new mascot will represent past, present, and future Dartmouth students, according to Stella Treas ‘05, SA’s chair of the Student Life committee. “SA is trying to to approach the mascot search from the angle that the mascot is something that needs to represent both Dartmouth’s past and future students,” she said. STOP THE INSANITY!
The Other Recall
As if the mascot recall were not weighing heavily enough on students’ minds, some Californians at Dartmouth must decide whether to recall Gov. Gray Davis. As Tim Mosso ‘06 reports, Dartmouth students are both “surprised” and “embarrassed” by the recall fiasco. Josh Pence ‘04 was one surprised student: “I didn’t know that [the recall] was a part of the [state] constitution that we could do something like that.” Pence, however, supports the recall of Davis.
All students, however, worry that the recall could hurt California’s national image and cited adult film star Mary Carey as a distraction. As Mosso so eloquently puts it, “Carey, whose platform proposes tax-deductible lap dances, is only one of roughly 130 candidates whose media mentions outstripped their poll numbers.” That’s great writing—I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Dartmouth MeChA to Conservatives: Not So Fast
According to Laura McGann, “conservative commentators recently pressured California gubernatorial candidate Cruz Bustamante to distance himself from the Chicano advocacy group Movimiento Estudiantil Chicano de Aztlan, or MeChA.” How I wish there was another voice to counter these conservatives. Perhaps there is one at Dartmouth? Fortunately, for the sake of democracy there is: “the head of [MeChA’s] Dartmouth chapter supported Bustamante’s stance and defended the aims and purpose of the group.”
Not Safe for Work
When I am asked to comment on modern dance, I am often at a loss. How can mere words capture the symbolism and passion of great dance? We are blessed then to have Harry Huberty ‘07 among us. His review of the Quasar dance ensemble is a watershed moment in dance review.
As I have maintained for some time, Brazilian choreographer Henrique Rodovalho is a genius:
Much of Quasar’s dance dealt with social issues like AIDS, a subject best discussed through dance: “In the dance about AIDS, for example, the audience was completely convinced of the love the dancers had for each other.” Completely convinced?
As Huberty writes, this was Quasar’s first performance at the Hopkins Center, although “they [sic] will not be their last.” Words as mysterious as the dance. I can’t wait for Huberty’s encore.
Thanks to Clint Hendler ‘05 for his input this morning. You can email me your tips and suggestions here.
TITLE: Special: The Dartmouth Mirror
DATE: 10/04/2003 08:34:00 PM
Rodovahlo seems to have an innate understanding of the ways in which the human body can—and cannot—move; thus, though his dances were characterized by violent and spasmodic writhing, they maintained a certain eerie gracefulness that was wonderful to behold.
Grateful Dead references became tired the day the first filthy, pot-smoking hippie uttered one. Therefore, it does not surprise me that the D’s tired arts supplement riffs the Dead on its title page. In a review of some summer activities of arty and socially just students, the best the Mirror staff could do was “Summer Times . . . What a Long, Strange Time It Was ...” In my days at the Review when I couldn’t think of a half-decent title, I just left the page blank—my election issue from last fall, for example. Just because it’s late and you’re out of whiskey, beers, and tobacco products, it does not give you license to impose your pain on your readers.
And I thought SARS was rough
After reading various news items, I came to believe that the worst thing about travelling to Toronto would be the possibility of contracting SARS. I was wrong, really wrong. It turns out I could go to Toronto, attend a film festival, and then write about my experience—which is what Rebecca Leffler ‘04 did. Leffler’s four-day diary chronicles her trip to Toronto and her meetings with various film “stars.” I may fault this article simply because Leffler’s experience—photos with a Dawson’s Creek Star, watching Robert Altman’s latest—does not correspond to my idea of fun. Still, it needs comment. On September 5, Leffler faced a difficult problem: to either view Jacques Doillon’s “Raja” or possibly see and meet Shania Twain. This sparked a struggle between powerful forces: “After a grueling internal battle between my conscience and my celebrity obsession, I finally chose Jacques Doillon over Shania and stayed for the film.” When Leffler’s conscience and celebrity obsession have an external battle, I hope to witness it.
DREAMweaver, I believe you can get me through the night
Some sentences, while grammatically correct, deserve scorn. Crystal Wirth adds another one to Hell’s trashcan in her piece on the summer with DREAM: “On our second night, after all the dishes had been scrubbed and stowed away, after all teeth had been brushed, I decided to unravel myself beneath the beckoning stars.”
How bad? SO FUCKING BAD!
Lindsay Barnes ‘06 must think a lot of himself. In each edition of the Mirror he plans to review “one of the immortal albums from the Great Vault of Rock ‘n’ Roll history” in his Vital Vinyl column. After reading his review of Johnny Cash’s San Quentin album, I can think of no worse way to remember the Man in Black. But Barnes is so clever. He lists his top five songs about—what else—murder. That’s original.
N.B. Alert readers Nic Duquette ‘04 and Steven Menashi ‘01 point out an oversight on my part yesterday. Sam Stein, in his op-ed penned “Low and behold” as opposed to the correct “Lo and behold.” It’s my mistake for not catching this during my first reading—but, more specifically, it is Stein’s mistake for writing such meaningless drivel.
TITLE: In Loco Parentis
DATE: 10/03/2003 03:10:00 PM
During the still smoldering student-publications delivery debate, Marty Redman has often had to backtrack and make ridiculous statements. Therefore, it delights me to see that he made a sensible comment in today’s D: “If you’ve got friends at Harvard, they’re probably drinking about as much as our students are.”
Redman was referring to the recent release of the Clery report, a yearly assessment of campus crime. As Colin Barry reports, many Dartmouth figures, “notably those related to undergraduate alcohol violations, were much higher than at most peer institutions.” This does not mean that Dartmouth students drink to intoxication more frequently than students at other campuses, as Redman pointed out, just that Dartmouth enforces its rules more stringently. Director of Safety and Security Harry Kinne credits the elevated numbers to New Hampshire state law. “For instance, in the state of Connecticut, there is no law against public intoxication. In New Hampshire, there is,” he said. Kinne is partially correct about New Hampshire law and incorrect about the role the law plays in S & S’s enforcement. In New Hampshire it is only illegal for a minor to be intoxicated per Section 179:10 of the state statutes:
As was reported some time ago in TDR, public intoxication is legal for legal drinkers in this state.
Not that this law has anything to do with school policy. As a private institution the College is free to make rules as it pleases. Safety and Security will take into custody any intoxicated underage student and any law-abiding of-age student regardless of race, sex, creed, sexual orientation, or ability. I’m not sure why the College needs to defend themselves or drunken students—as far as I know, the results of the Clery report are not reflected in the U.S. News and World Report college rankings.
TITLE: It's been a rough week...
DATE: 10/03/2003 02:15:00 PM
179:10 Unlawful Possession and Intoxication. –
I. Except as provided in RSA 179:23, any person under the age of 21 years who has in his or her possession any liquor or alcoholic beverage, or who is intoxicated by consumption of an alcoholic beverage, shall be guilty of a violation and shall be fined a minimum of $250. Any second and subsequent offense shall be fined at least $500. For purposes of this section, alcohol concentration as defined in RSA 259:3-b of .02 or more shall be prima facie evidence of intoxication. No portion of this mandatory minimum fine shall be waived, continued for sentencing, or suspended by the court. In addition to the penalties provided in this section, the court may, in its discretion, impose further penalties authorized by RSA 263:56-b.
Today’s op-eds are so good
On a page that was yesterday remarkable for its gravitas, today the op-ed page takes on a lighter tone due to both inaccuracies and attempts at humor. Kabir Sehgal ‘05 in his installment of Please Read Me begins, “Dot com, dot gone.” Not only is this irritating, but it conjures troubling images of swording-wielding Phi Taus playing D & D in their C://Dos Run t-shirts. Sam Stein '04 attempts humor, but unfortunately does not meet with the same results as the homophonic Mark Steyn. Stein’s self-deprecating sarcasm in his article about baseball just doesn’t do it for me:
I don’t think that Stein’s mother urged her son to read the paper because of his dearth of news knowledge—rather she has probably read the Dartmouth in the past. His mother will be so proud.
Amie Sugarman ‘07 is caught up in the excitement of Presidential primary politics in her op-ed. While this is the first campaign season where she can play an active role as a voter, this should not allow her an ignorance of recent history. She writes,
My mom always chides me for not reading the newspaper enough, which is ironic because I write for one. So I decided to subscribe to “The New York Times,” take a glance at current events, and hopefully regain the love of my mother. Low [sic] and behold, there are many interesting stories circulating our nation.
Not only does Sugarman not know the difference between a colon and a semicolon, she also seems to be unaware that the last Democratic Presidential primary happened fewer than four years ago. Al Gore and Bill Bradley are gone, but not forgotten.
As is typical Sugarman encourages students to get active in politics and vote because this primary is so important. She is “astounded” by apathy and indifference among students. New Hampshire’s primary “is known to accurately the outcome of the party’s nominee each time.” I wouldn’t call this statement “accurate,” especially considering that this is a state where John McCain rode his “Straight Talk Express” to victory and where Pat Buchanan once came out on top when the votes were tallied. If she wants to look at accuracy, I point her to the voters of Dixville Notch—they accurately predicted the winner of the last Presidential election.
To give Sugaman some credit, future D writers would be well-served to emulate her artful prose. She describes “the bustling metropolis that is Hanover” and later in the paragraph refers to our home in the Upper Valley as a “miniscule enclave” in a delicious contradiction. If that doesn’t raise hackles, I don’t know what does.
More to come in this installment. I am awaiting the results of some of my fact-checking—how novel!
TITLE: Slow News Day?
DATE: 10/02/2003 07:17:00 PM
As our campus is littered with bumper stickers, poster boards and buttons that support the several Democratic Presidential candidates, we all know that we can be part of one of the most exciting events to take place here in years; [sic] the New Hampshire Democratic primary.
A light day for the Dartmouth—only four news articles and one boring column.
Lest the Old Traditions Fail
The century-old Senior Fence on the west side of the Green has not served as a social area for some years although that soon may change. As Dax Tejera ‘07 reports, as a early as Wednesday, the fence “will be transported and realigned into a perpendicular configuration on the southwest corner [of the Green].” The Class of 1952 is funding the project, which will cost $20, 000. College planners believe the relocated fence will have a broader appeal to students with its “social L-shaped configuration” and will protect an oft-trampled part of the Green. According to Dartmouth Associate Director of Facilities Planning and Chief Jack Wilson: “I think by reconfiguring it, the fence will once again become a strong tradition.” And students seem to agree. Student Assembly Summer President Julia Hildreth ‘05 echoed Wilson’s words during summer discussions of the project: “Everyone really liked the idea of giving [the fence] greater functionality.”
Wilson considered several proposals before deciding to relocate the fence—including one that would lengthen the fence. This plan proved too expensive, according to Wilson. That’s a shame because the College does need more viable social spaces.
Senior Moment for Edsforth
As Matthew Kelly ‘06 reports, a panel of Dartmouth professors and one Afghani author yesterday discussed American foreign policy in the Dickey Center-hosted “America and the World: Dominate, Retreat, or Engage?” before a group of students and the aged. The panel—Professors Daryl Press, Douglas Irwin, and David Kang and author Tamim Ansary—was not popular with the crowd.
TITLE: Benson Childhood Secrets Revealed and more!
DATE: 10/01/2003 01:23:00 PM
Not all were as impressed with panel, however. History Professor Ronald Edsforth expressed dismay over the panel’s lack of attention to how America’s foreign policy, one he views as overly unilateral, affects relations with allies like France and Germany. His call for more engagement with the UN and allies was greeted with applause from elderly members of the crowd.
“Weird” Lead Alert!
Dane Schlossberg ‘07 on Craig Benson at Tuck: “New Hampshire governor Craig Benson admits that he always felt a little weird as a child.”
Benson spoke on entrepreneurship using the paradigm of Cabletron Systems, a company he co-founded, at the Tuck School yesterday. He filled Cook auditorium, but much of the audience sought easy answers for fast money. Writes Schlossberg: “Much to the dismay of audience members in it to a make a quick buck, Benson asserted any entrepreneur concerned solely with financial gain will fail.” Sound advice, but I’m still not sure I feel comfortable in a Benson-run New Hampshire. “[Benson] implores his employees to make quick decisions, take risks and make mistakes.” Implores? After reading Schlossberg’s debut, I believe that the D adopted Benson’s philosophy—one third of it at least—long, long ago.
Today’s feel-good column, Usher in the Fall, from feel-good writer Ryan Tan ‘05, begins with one of the least accurate statements in today’s D: “Every fall, all the upperclassmen on campus are amazed at the boisterous energy of the incoming freshmen.” Frankly, their enervation is more impressive than their energy—unless, he refers to the energy that freshgirls have exerted dressing up for an evening on Webster or in posting rambling incoherence on Dartlog.
But Tan more than makes up for this lack of cerebral vigor in his peppy column. Your time at Dartmouth is fleeting, he tells the 2007s:
Eloquently stated, but in the future I advise Tan to insert a few words about a boy and his dog.
Time is recurring theme throughout these “meandering thoughts” and Tan concludes perfectly by reviewing the order of the seasons.
All too soon, the leaves will change color and fall to the ground. Then Hanover will be covered in white, sooner than you might expect. And, following a term of wearing puffy clothes and ear-muffs, leaves will grow on their branches and squirrels will once again be ubiquitous on campus in their ever-constant foraging for food. Then, before we can blink twice, seniors who are moving out will be leaving perfectly-good refrigerators and tables outside their dorm, and the graduating class will be donning their commencement gowns.
At least he got the facts right. In the words of Professor Emeritus of English Jeff Hart, egad.
More Headline Wackiness
Page 3: "Marton keeps young Trustee on agenda"
I think this Trustee should get off.
Note to the student who is responsible for photo captions
Yesterday’s error I ignored. Those things do happen, but they shouldn’t two days in a row. Today’s caption below the SA photo had a spelling error. And the the words “Photo-Shopped” in the lead photo are an embarrassment to the well-meaning punctuation mark, the colon. Then there is the correction of yesterday’s zany caption: “A photo caption in Tuesday’s paper did not identify Professor John Gardner.” That’s fodder for Kill Duck Before Serving II.
TITLE: Looks Like a Case of the . . . Tuesdays
DATE: 9/30/2003 12:46:00 PM
So, make the most of it, for fall is going to be over in a flash. Then, all too soon, it’ll be winter, and then the spring.
Tonight at 11: Ramp-Crawlers!
Shaunak Mewada ‘06 reports on the College-mandated physical plant improvements to Greek houses. The improvements must take place over the next three years. “The decision was not a product of any particular legal requirements but rather a desire on the part of the College to make program spaces accessible to all students,” Mewada writes. The College has also asked houses to “put thought into the potential for handicapped students to join there organizations.” The new handicapped-access renovations could signal a change in an administration historically cool to the frat party scene. Said Woody Eckels: “Open parties are supposed to be non-exclusive, and we wanted handicapped students to be able to go to them.”
Dancing on the Principle of Community
Greek houses are known for their exclusionary policies and homogeneous membership. A student who lacks trendy clothes or doesn’t play the right sport or is handicapped may not get his desired bid. Consider an organization that picks its members based on “personal style” or “good rhythm.” Consider an organization that will say you can’t dance. Such a group exists and, instead of derecognition and persecution by the College, the community celebrates it. In Behind Closed Doors Frances Cha takes us behind the scenes of SHEBA’s recent tryouts. SHEBA is an eclectic student dance ensemble that, according to Cha, would top Dartmouth’s “celebrity A-list” if such a list existed. SHEBA must maintain its exclusionary policies because, according to former director Johnny Lee ‘02, “...as much as we value individual style, we have to see if the person can pick up on SHEBA’s unique style even if they’re from different backgrounds.” If that is not grounds for outrage, this is. After the first cut, SHEBA organizers segregated the students according to sex and taught them “different gender-based dances.” Of the twenty-one students who tried out, SHEBA asked only six to join. That is fifteen wronged students and one scarred community. It’s unfortunate because, unlike the SHEBA dance ensemble, the real world is not so homogeneous.
The text of Matthew Kelly ‘06’s Students simulate debate is as absurd as its title. Apparently, Dartmouth students both watched and participated in a forum that, while not itself a debate, had the appearances of one. But maybe I’m being to harsh. Perhaps this piece on which I comment is a brilliant critique of the oft-absurd campus political scene. Therefore I wish offer my adulation.
This “simulated debate” matched seven students who represented seven Democratic Presidential candidates. Moseley-Braun, Sharpton, and Kucinich volunteers did not attend the event: “No Dartmouth students contacted the Rockefeller Center to participate [as volunteers for any of the three].” I’ll be damned. The students, while not speaking “officially on behalf of the candidates,” attacked President Bush and his foreign policy. While their messages were, for the most part, the same, candidates did differ in their presentations. For instance,
Other student volunteers remained their third-person selves. Graham Roth ‘04, a Howard Dean representative, attacked Janos Marton for his support of John Kerry: “The difference between me and Janos, who’s supporting Kerry, is that I’m not up here to apologize for my candidate’s positions.” Kerry was not available for comment.
Kelly criticizes the event for being muddled and incoherent by writing with muddled and incoherent prose. He is “simulating” both a typical poorly written D news article and the event. Brilliant.
TITLE: Looks Like a Case of the "Mondays"
DATE: 9/29/2003 10:59:00 AM
Joe Lieberman volunteer Matt Slaine ‘06 took the unorthodox approach of speaking in the first person, making references to his marching for Civil Rights in the 1960s and his record in Congress. Slaine scored considerable applause from the overwhelmingly Democratic audience when he said “I know I can beat Bush in 2004 because Al Gore and I did in 2000.
Ironic Headline Alert
Edwards: Bush at ‘war on work’ leads today’s nominees for Ironic Headline of the Day. Elizabeth Spillane ‘06 reports on Elizabeth Edwards stop in Hanover to support her husband’s doomed bid for Democratic Presidential nominee. Edwards stressed her husbands working class credentials. Spillane writes, “Ms. Edwards said that the Senator can serve the working man because, at his core, he is one.” Edwards described Bush as waging “war on work.” If that’s the case, her husband is a casualty. He has not worked in months.
Tucked Away on Page One
The idea of fair and balanced journalism has received much attention and ridicule of late. In N.H. College Reps meet for convention Laura Glickman ‘07 condescends in her lead: “Saturday, in a tucked away corner of Robinson Hall, the New Hampshire College Republicans held their state convention.” “In a tucked away corner” is more where I would expect the newly-organized Dartmouth Civil Liberties Union to meet. In fair and balanced-ness, only 24 young GOP-ers from across the Granite State attended, but give the kids a little more credit.
A Senior Story
It pains me to write that Christina Palmer ‘04 has an op-ed submission, Choosing a Path, today. I try my best to be encouraging and positive, but, unfortunately, I have to bestow on Palmer the dubious distinction of today’s Worst Simile of the Day. The question of what to do after college crosses the mind of any serious student, but, as Palmer has yet to discover, it need not be answered with figures of speech. “Possibilities shoot like fireworks in the darkness, while I fumble blindly looking for one that I can catch and hold onto,” she writes. Let me offer a warning: Be careful what explosive you reach for because, as with a Christmas B-B gun, you could put your eye out.
Act Locally, Think Globally
On the topic of eyes, Adil Ahmad '04's installment of An Eye on Everything deals with the embattled Kashmir region. With the catchy “Eye on Everything” phrase I have no problem so long as it stands alone. However, when in the context of an op-ed about the far reaches of the Middle East, one can’t help but be troubled by it, especially considering the images of the region conjured by the popular imagination.
Many of the writers in the D will accuse me and have accused me of arrogance for what they see as my unjustified criticism of their daily. But as Stoll said of the Smartertimes, “Even an ordinary semi-intelligent guy in Brooklyn who reads the newspaper carefully early each morning can regularly notice errors of fact and of logic.” And I don’t even claim to be semi-intelligent. Ahmad, in his column, recalls a debate he had in the D last spring on the topic of Kashmir. Several writers engaged in the discussion, but “The debate, however, was not resolved, and the Kashmiri problem remains.” So, if the debate had been resolved in the D, the problem would have been solved? Reminds me of the philosophy espoused by Dartmouth grad and quadrennial Presidential hopeful John Hagelin ‘76: transcendental meditation.